about the Pretty Princess

This is a story that my husband, Brian, is writing for me. It came about because in all of the games my four year old son and I played, he never would let me be the princess. (I always had to be the dragon) So, Brian took the experiences from our years working at Cedar Point, where we first met, and created a story where I get to be the princess.

The characters in the story are based on actual people we knew and worked with. If you happen to have been one of those people, and have stumbled upon this site, please take the caricatures with the sense of humor that they were created.


This story is probably only meaningful to me and Brian, and maybe other people that we worked with, but if you're familiar with Cedar Point at all, you'll be able to catch references to the rides and things. Actually, I don't really care if anyone else likes it, I love it, and thought it was too good to remain hidden. So thanks for humoring me!

The pretty princess chapter 1 (the knight's story)

The Pretty Princess

Once a generation a pretty princess is born, in my generation she was born on June 7th, 1973. This is the chronicle of my quest to find her.

I had spent my young adulthood trying to find her. The stars had aligned and I knew she had been born. I went to many seers trying to find the clues that would lead me to her. I had run into dead end after dead end. I was ready to give up, but I found a sign inviting those brave enough to come and meet the witch Ellen De Snaggletooth. Legend had it that she was a ruthless beast, but if you were brave enough she would answer your question.
I approached the lair of the great beast, although I was shaking inside I tired to put forth a brave front. I talked to her and in a battle of will I was able to best her.

“What is your question foul knight?” She hissed.
“I seek the pretty princess, you must tell me where I can find her.”
“I know the location, but I will not give you this knowledge without a service.”
“What service do you require?”
“You must serve in my Ohio lair for not less than one season. If you perform this task, I will tell you and I will reward you with money.”
“I accept your terms.”

I was whisked away to Ohio. I was processed and found that I was not the only one she had tricked into serving her. I was locked into my prison and told I would be let out the next morning and was to report to the People Corral.

The next morning I reported to the Corral. After surviving an attack by a little troll I saw her. The pretty princess. She walked toward me, to say walk does it no justice. She glided across the floor like she wasn’t touching the ground at all. Her pony tail swayed side to side.
“My name is Kellie Landenberg, were you tricked by Ellen, or did one of her fellow beast loan you to her?”
“UH……” Her beauty had struck me dumb, a tear was welling up in my soul. I was so close, but nothing came out.
“Well, I better get back before they break out the shackles.”
I listened to my heart pound in my chest. Her beauty still filling my eyes. Her nose was perfect. Her hips swayed as she walked, her pert bosom bounced with each step. But beyond her looks…. Her voice rang like an angel singing. She wore a kind heart on her sleeve, and you knew she cared about your well being. You could tell the kindness she had inside her. I had to get to know her, I had to help free her.

The biggest question was where to start. I needed to find some heroes to help on my quest. One of my first friends was the Tyskaraung. He insisted I call him Dan. I then found help from The Cat, he insisted I call him Mat. My final companion was a strange fellow named Jason, he walked calmly between sanity and insanity, but you never knew when he might fall on the side of insanity, and his hatred for Frosty was known throughout the land. We set out from the Wooden Cedars.

We had to battle our way out of Cedars. The floors were full of rotten holes that rabid squirrels. Our Tyskaraung got his foot caught in the ceiling trying to stop the evil noise makers above. Then the spiders showed up. For many hours we fought our way past the spiders, at one point all hope seemed lost but a Flaming Glenny showed up and taught the spiders to dance. The spiders then danced their way out of the building headed for Broadway. Once out of Cedars we had to consult the King of the booth to find out where to find the Pretty Princess.

“Help you I can?” Croaked the King. “But should I?”
“You must help us, then we can free you from the booth.”
“I could leave the booth anytime I want, but I think a quest would be fair for the information you seek.”
“What is it?” I asked exasperatedly.
“Your quest is to find the Pink Chalice of the patio. I warn you it will not be easy as the chalice is protected by a band of Thiedieves.”
“What are Thiedieves?”
“They are the craftiest thieves. They are like chameleons, and can hide in plain sight. They can win you over with a smile, and then slide a knife into your back.”
“I accept your terms.”

We left the King of the booth, and journeyed north. When out of nowhere a blue blur came running past us. The first pass nothing happened, but with the second pass it knocked Jason to the ground. Then it got Mat, and then Dan. I was left standing. I pulled out my special Googoyles which allowed me to see things more clearly than before. I saw the blur was a naked blue man. I told Jason that the man looked a lot like Frosty, and that pushed him over the top.

“Knock me down, you jerk, I’ll teach you a lesson.” Jason bellowed as his fist struck the ground. This knocked the Blue Streaker to the ground. We surrounded him and tied him up.

“What are you going to do to me?”
“We are going to eat you.” Jason snapped.
“Please don’t eat me, I can help you. The King sent you for the Pink Chalice right.”
“How did you know?”
“He has sent many fool hardy people to Thiedieves. The only way you can get it is if you dress like one of them and go alone. They would never trust a group of four.”
“What do they look like?”
“Looks do not matter, you just have to agree with them and be willing to do shady things. They expect you to steal from them, but to get the Pink chalice you must be extra crafty. I don’t know how you will get it, but I have helped you the most I can.”
“You guys stay here, I am going to attempt this. Don’t go far I feel we still have a lot left to do.” I said
I wandered the path until I came upon the patio. You couldn’t really tell it was a patio except for the three large umbrellas that provided shelter from the rain for the patrons of the forest. When I first arrived I spotted a small gnome like creature.
“Are you a Thiedieve?” I asked.
“No, I am Tim. Nothing else just Tim. I have been here from the beginning, and will be here until the end.” He replied.
“Are you trapped?”
“No, I am here because I want to be.”
“Nip a few too many mushrooms maybe?”
“Maybe.” He said with a shrug
“I can introduce you to Thiedieves if you would like.”
“I would appreciate that.”

He took me around the back and we entered a dwelling. The smell of charred flesh filled my nostrils.
“Welcome traveler.” A small man said. “I am Sean Thiedieve, and this is my twin brother Scott. Over there is our sister, but she isn’t important, only we are.”
“I agree, you guys look very important.”
“I told you that greeting would work.” Sean said to his brother Scott.
“What brings you to us?” Scott asked.
“Your little gnome brought me.” I replied
“Ha, ha. No! Why are you here?”
“I heard you guys make the greatest burgers in all the land.”
“That is true, but can you handle it.”
“I could eat more burgers than you can cook.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“It could be.”
“We do not take challenges lightly, nobody can eat more burgers than us.”
“I bet I could eat more of them than the two of you combined.”
“We’ll take that bet.” The Thiedieves said simultaneously.
“What are the terms?” I asked.
“We will cook burgers, lots of burgers, and then whoever eats the most wins. Our combined totals will be put against your pitiful attempt. If we win you must submit to us, and be our patio tard.” Scott said.
“And if I win.”
“You won’t, but name your terms.”
“The two of you will go first, and when you say you are done, I will go. If I win I get the Pink Chalice, your gnome Tim becomes master of this place, and I get safe passage out of the region.”
“That is a high price, but we never lose.” They said.
So they started to cook and cook and cook some more. Burgers poured out of the oven. The Thiedieves dug in, and started to inhale many burgers. They ate themselves silly after about a half an hour they announced they were done. They had amassed an impressive 43 burgers. I then took one out and slowly ate it, I ate for about half an hour and knocked out about twelve burgers, I stopped eating.
“You lose.” They shouted with glee.
“No I haven’t, I am not finished yet. I will eat more later. We never said it was a timed contest. You agreed to MY terms which said you two will go first and when you say you are done I will go. No time limits. I will take my time and eat 44 burgers.”

Several hours later I completed my last burger and became the winner. Their hatred burned, but they were bound to their word by the Gnome Tim. I took the Pink Chalice and headed out.
“You tricked us in true Thiedieve style. I think you may be our long lost brother.” They said in unison. “But we will get even with you.”

I headed back to the King of the booth. On my way there I ran into a man who dropped out of the shadows.
“You got the Pink chalice from the Thiedieves?” He asked.
“I did, but who are you?”
“I am Rimmie, the King sent me to get the Chalice, but the Thiedieves thwarted me.”
“So now you are just roaming in the shadows?”
“No! The King gave me another task instead. I must bring him the Cedar Pennant. I must complete a task so I can get cure for my dying friend Buck.”
“Why don’t you just take Buck to the healer?”
“Buck is a Dolphin, and I can’t let anyone know that I am the reason he is sick.”
“I will help you get this Pennant. Then you can heal your friend.”
“Why did you agree to get the Chalice for the King?” He asked.
“Because I must rescue the Pretty Princess!”
“The Pretty Princess is here?”
“You know of the Pretty Princess?” I asked.
“Of course, I have heard rumors, but I didn’t believe them.”
“Oh believe them! She is the most gorgeous, intelligent…. Oh, words fail me when I try to describe her.”
“You know she can only belong to one man, when she finds that man she will bond with him forever.” Rimmie said.
“I don’t care if she bonds with me, I just want to see her free.”
“Free of what? Her clothes.” Rimmie joked.
“You are disgusting.”
“No, I am certifiably the horniest creature alive. I am a try sexual in that I will try anything once. You see I gave Buck a case of….”
“I really don’t want to know. Let’s just keep this about finding the pennant.” I said hastily.
“O.K. But if….”
“About the pennant.”
“The pennant is trapped on top of the jousting ring. It is guarded by many war horses, and a few armed guards. My plan was to sneak in at night when the horses are sleeping, but I need help distracting the guards.”
“I can distract the guards.”

We traveled along the path until we were in front of the jousting ring. The jousting ring was huge, but sitting high atop it was the Pennant.
“What is with the King and his affinity for Pink?” I asked.
“Who knows?” Rimmie shrugged.

Rimmie wandered off to the side and around to the back. I walked straight down the path to the guards. As I started talking to the guards I noticed Rimmie was climbing the ring up toward the Pennant.
“Halt trespasser.” Said the first guard.
“Trespasser? Where on Earth did you learn such a lame line?” Asked the second guard.
“Well what should I have said?” Asked the first guard.
“Prisoner or dead meat might have worked.” Said the second.
“Well he isn’t a prisoner yet now is he? And I can’t just kill him for giggles now can I?” Asked the First.
“You know George you are an imbecile.” Said the second one.
“No George you are.” Said the first George.

Rimmie was already to the top of the ring, and had started loosening the Pennant. I listened to the two Georges go on for several minutes. They argued and called each other such horrible things. At one point I was sure they were going to start fighting. Rimmie had the Pennant and was climbing down the ring when they finally remembered me.

“What is your business here?” The first George asked.
“I was looking for a bathroom remember.” I said.
“Oh yeah, down this path to the left then, be on your way.” The second George offered.
“Thank you gentleman.” I said as I headed down the path and met up with Rimmie.

“What a couple of dolts.” I said.
“Thanks for your help.”
“No problem, now let’s go see the King.”

Our trip back to the King was uneventful, but we did run into a man named Louie who was selling small flowers. I bought a couple of baby buds and put them in my pocket for when I rescued the Pretty Princess.

“Both of you have returned. That is amazing did you both succeed? “ Asked the king.
“Yes.” We replied in unison.
“Give me the items!”

Both Rimmie and I gave our pink things to the King. The King grabbed them and got a maniacal look on his face.
“I needed these, now you will all face my wrath.”
He stuffed the pennant into the chalice. He then twisted a ring off his finger and dropped it into the chalice. He then started to wave his hands around as he mumbled some arcane words. Smoke started to pour out of the chalice. The king started to laugh as his skin became transparent. Then his skin started to glow pink. Green smoke continued to billow out of the chalice. The King started to change form, wings sprouted from his back. His hands started to change into talons. He screamed in pain as rage as the transformation continued. The smoke was so thick I could no longer see the King. I could hear him thrashing as his transformation continued. Then there was a brilliant pink flash and a thunderous bang filled my ears. The smoke was all drawn into the King and he bellowed as his transformation was complete. He didn’t really bellow, it was more of squeak. He had changed into a dragon made of iron, but he was only five inches tall.
“All of that and you are only five inches tall?” I asked sarcastically.
“I don’t understand, I said the spell correctly. I followed all of the direction.” The King squeaked.
“Yeah, you are a mighty iron dragon, and what was that you said about facing your wrath?” I asked.
“I may be small, but I am still a dragon.”
He then took a deep breath and blew a pitiful fireball at me. The fireball did nothing but warm the spot it hit.
“Well, if I need a light I will call you.” Said Rimmie.
I reached over and picked up the chalice, and then I dropped it over the king. I then searched the booth that the King had been in. I found an old jar with a lid. I slid some paper under the chalice and picked the king up. I then dropped him into the jar. I screwed the lid on tight and then poked some holes into the top of it.
“Let me out of here.”
“No. You owe me some answers, and you were trying to double cross us.”
“I swear I was going to help you.”
“Before or after you ate us?”
“Well….”
“Look King I will keep you in this jar safe until I have rescued the Pretty Princess.” Once I have rescued her I will give you to her, and she can do as she likes with you.”
“She may keep me in here forever.”
“Maybe, or she might make a necklace of you. I don’t really care. I just want to set her free. You need to tell me the information you promised.”
“I have heard of a great bird of the sky, it is a hunter and it is huge. I’ve heard that this Raptor has captured the Princess and is keeping her locked in a red barn. You must find the bird and then it’s barn if you are to rescue her. Now let me go!”
“I am in charge of you, and as long as you are trapped in that jar you will do everything I ask, or I will flush you down the nearest toilet.”

I reunited with my other companions and introduced them all to Rimmie. I showed them the tiny Iron Dragon and shared the story of the Raptor.

“I know where the raptor is.” Said Mat.
“I know too, but I really don’t want to head there, it is fraught with dangers.” Jason added. “We have to go through the great green forest. The forest is made of steel, and the Raptor roars through it. There is a cobra as well, and then the greatest horror of all, the turnstile corral.”
“We must save here, I understand if any of you want to quit. You have no obligation to me.”
“I am with you, you saved me from the King.” Rimmie said.
“I am with you, I know that this is a quest for true love.” Dan said.
“I am with you, I get a chance to break things.” Jason said.
“I am with you, because I am high…..hahahahaaaaaaaaaa. No really I am high and I’ve heard that the best shrooms grow in the Raptor forest.” Mat said.
“Thank you, I appreciate the support you all are showing me.”

We set out for the forest. We traveled down a wide path. We traveled for a long time before anything happened, but then two things happened rapidly. The first thing was a pixie jumped out and flashed a light in our faces. This made Jason fall into the swamp on the side of the path.
“You have blinded us.” I screamed.
“No, I took your pictures.” The Pixie said.
Then the Pixie handed me a ticket.
“You can come back later and see the picture.”
“Why would we do that?”
“A souvenir of your party before you entered the Raptor’s forest. I bet not all of you get out of there alive. Besides you are missing one already.”
We all looked around.
“Where is Jason?” I asked.
“He was right here.” Mat said.
“He must have fallen off the path.” I said.
“Nothing get by you.” The pixie said and then in a flash she was gone.
We searched just off the path and found Jason waist deep in scum. He was thrusting his fist into the scum trying to get free. I tossed him a branch I found on the ground, and as a group we were able to pull him free of the slime.
“That was disgusting.” Jason said.
We traveled a little further and found ourselves at the entrance of the green forest. The entrance was strewn with bones from past victims. We took a collective deep breath and stepped into the forest. All was dark as our eyes adjusted. We were able to make out shapes and then the forest came into clear view. The trees were spread far apart but were huge. They raised high into the sky and had the strangest branches. As we looked up the light was blotted out by a great shadow. The shadow roared above us, we felt the wind it displaced with his mighty wings. We heard screams emanating from his victims. We followed the shadow trying to see where the Raptor nests. As we followed him Mat became a little distracted.
“The colors in here are awesome.” Mat said.
“What are you talking about, it is all green.” I said.
“He found some shrooms, and ate them.” Jason stated.
“Dude, when did you get three heads?” Mat asked.
“He is totally wasted.” I commented.
“I am not a waste, you’re the one with three heads. Man you are really tripping me out. These clothes really itch.”
Mat then ripped his clothes off and went running through the forest.
“I will go save him.” Jason said and headed off after Mat.

The rest of us headed off to where the Raptor landed. The forest opened upon a maze of chrome. The maze went on forever, with no clear way through it.
“How will we get through this?” I wondered out loud.

We stood for several minutes trying to figure out a way through the maze. I began to pace from side to side as I thought about it. As I paced back and forth I noticed something peculiar. The Iron Dragon stayed fixated on the Raptor nest. His body would turn from side to side. He pointed like a needle of a compass.

Using the Iron Dragon we were able to easily navigate our way through the maze. But as we all know when things go easy the other shoe drops. It all started with a loud clanging noise, and then a rushing hiss. Out of nowhere it struck. The Cobra. The cobra just missed pumping me full of venom by inches. I dropped the dragon and rolled to the side. Dan grabbed on to the side rail of the maze and started to swing side to side. Rimmie dodged out of the way, but something he was wearing had the cobra’s attention. I think it might have been his cologne.

“Keep him occupied Rimmie.” Dan shouted.
“I have a choice?”

The Tyskaraung continued to build up momentum, swinging closer and closer to the giant snake. Then he let go and launched himself at the snake. He landed with a thud on the snake’s hood. He wrapped his legs around it’s neck. Then he reached down and started to pry it’s jaws apart. It was a struggle of sheer power, but eventually there was a large cracking noise and Dan managed to rip the Cobra apart.

“That was fun.” Dan said. And then he collapsed on the ground. I ran up to him, but it was too late. One of the fangs had pierced his paw. He had sacrificed himself to save the rest of us. We all stood around and gave him a moment of silence, and then we collected rocks to cover him, and give him a memorial so no one would ever forget what a true friend he really was.

I went over and picked up the jar with the Iron Dragon in it. We used him to navigate the rest of the maze. The maze opened up on a huge nest full of eggs. To our surprise the Raptor was in the nest, and seemed to be waiting for us. As we stepped out we were greeted by a curious sight, the Raptor wasn’t fierce looking at all. It was several colors, and had a bow on it’s head.

“I know not just anyone can pull off pink, green, yellow, and orange. Isn’t it the cutest colors you have ever seen? And the bow, do you know how long it took me to find a rainbow bow?” The raptor asked. “Where are my manners, I am Marcia Everycolor. I am the raptor, welcome to my nest.”

“Hhhelllloooo!?” I stammered

“Why have you come to my nest?”

“I seek the Pretty Princess, and I was told that you had her captive here.”
“What horrible lies are told about me, I am a queen, and therefore have no need for a Princess.”
“You really don’t have her?”
“No I don’t.”
“You don’t even know where she is?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Where is she?”
“Well now! That is a bit impetuous isn’t it? You think I would just give you that information for free? You have to earn it to get it from me.”
“Of course I do! I am sure there is some quest in which I must go retrieve something or another for you, blah, blah, blah.”
“A bit weary of questing?”
“No! I must rescue the Princess.”
“Well, I do not need you to quest for anything, but I LOVE to play games.”
“OK.”
“The game is really simple, in my nest are several eggs, inside one of them is the key to the locket around my neck. The hitch is you only have two minutes to open as many as possible. Once your time is up I will allow you to test your keys. If you open the locket I will fly you and your companions to where the Princess is. If you do not find the right key I get to eat you.”
“That is a bit extreme isn’t it?”
“Hey a birds gotta eat.”
“I would lay my life down for the Princess.”
“On the count of three, the game will begin. One, two, three…”

I jumped into the nest and started cracking open the eggs, every one of them had a key in them. I had cracked several of them open, but I was scared. I closed my eyes a pictured that Pretty Princess. Her beautiful face, her swaying hips, and that amazing intellect. My heart longed so badly for her I opened my eyes, and off in the corner of the nest an egg started to glow pink. I grabbed it and cracked it open.

“How did you know?”
“What?” I asked as I snapped out of my daydream.
“How did you know it was that egg? Nobody has ever beat me at this game.”
“It was love. The Pretty Princess showed me where it was.”
“It must be true love. You have bested me, and I will take you to where the Princess is being held. Climb aboard my shoulders and I will fly you there.”

Rimmie and I climbed onto the Raptor’s back. The giant bird launched itself into the air and took flight. The raptor banked and then flew toward a huge black castle in the center of the land. The giant bird landed on a rampart and Ellen De Snaggletooth stepped out, behind her was a small evil looking woman, her skin was ashen like she had stepped out of the grave.

“Great job my pet.” Ellen said. “I told you Marcia would bring their quest to an end.”
“You have done well. You and your bird will be rewarded handsomely.” The old crone croaked. “Allow me to introduce myself, I am Suella Graven. I am the wickedest of all witches. You have set out to free the Pretty Princess, never knowing your own importance. No matter. I will have the Pretty Princess soon enough, and then all hope will be gone.”

She then started to cackle and cast a spell. The air around Rimmie and I started to shimmer and coalesce, suddenly we were frozen in place.
“That will hold you.”

The Pretty Princess, chapter 2 (the princess's story)

“Mat, I am not a giant fly.” Jason pleaded.
“You aren’t fooling me, you want to eat my head.” Mat Replied
“Why would I want to eat your head?”
“Because it is made of the most awesome cheese in the world.”
“I’ve had enough of this.” Jason said as he picked up a large rock and hurled it at mat. The rock struck Mat solidly on the head causing him to pass out. Jason then proceeded to tie Mat up until his bad trip could wear off. When he was done he sat down and was feeling pretty proud of himself yet he heard what sounded a lot like a woman crying. After a short search he found a beautiful woman with her hands covering her eyes quietly crying.
“Are you all right?” Jason asked.
The woman let out a startled gasp and then took a very defensive pose.
“Stay away from me, or I will disembowel you.” She screamed.
“Cool.”
“What do you mean cool?”
“Well, no one has ever threatened to disembowel me before, and I think that is pretty cool.”
“Well, that is wrong.”
“Probably, but I don’t really care. My name is Jason.”
“I am Kellie.”
“Why were you crying?”
“I have been on a quest. You see once a generation there is a Noble Knight born. In our generation he was born on July 27th, 1972. I have searched all my life for him, and finally I had found him. But now I have lost him. All of my companion have deserted me, and now my hope is lost.”
“We got separated from our companions as well, Mat and I will help you find him.”
“That would be wonderful.”

Thus begins the Princesses Story.

When Mat came to we all set out to try and find the Noble Knight. We roamed the green forest for a couple of days, but we couldn’t find Jason’s companions so we left the jungle. We eventually found a broad path and followed it for a couple of days. It was half way through the second day when we heard some singing. As we continued down the path the singing got louder and louder.
“I think we should get off the trail and scout ahead.” I said.
“That may be a smart move.” Jason said.
“Hiss.” Mat added. (Mat really hadn’t been the same since the shrooms, most of the time he thought he was an animal.)

We stalked through the woods, and found an encampment full of skeletons. These weren’t the normal kind of skeletons that just lie around decomposing, nor were they the type someone can go up to and point out interesting things on. These skeletons were doing everything, fishing, singing, washing clothes, and so on.

“I think we should avoid them.” I said.
“Skeletons are not fun to deal with I agree.” Jason said.
“Woof, woof.” Mat added
“Oh, No!” Jason and I said together.

Mat bounded out into the clearing and started to bite the closest skeleton’s leg. He was growling a trying very hard to get the bone free. Everything came to a halt. All of the skeletons looked in our direction, and a shout was raised.

“Humans!!!! Humans!!!!” Cried the largest of the skeletons.
“Don’t hurt us.” I pleaded.
“Don’t hurt us.” The skeleton said.
“What?” We both asked.
“We don’t mean you any harm.” I said. “Mat heal.” Mat left the skeleton alone and curled up at Jason’s feet. “I am Kellie, and these are my friends Mat and Jason.”
“My name is Kurt See. I am the leader of the skeletons, because I have the tallest bones. We started this colony to get away from humans, because all they ever do is hack us into little pieces, and then scatter our bones all over.”
“That is horrible.”
“I know, but that is how your kind is.”
“But that is not how I am!”
“Let me show you around.”

Kurt See showed me all around the compound. The skeletons had really built a nice village. He told me that they had lived here for several years, and would go out to find more skeletons to join them. He showed me all of the different stations and how they had set up a skeleton commune. He was a very light hearted fellow, very easy to get along with. After a few days I really started to relax, all the while the music continued to play.

“We should get going.” Jason said.
“Why? They are doing great work here, and Kurt is a great guy.” I said
“He isn’t a guy, and I don’t trust him.”
“You don’t trust anyone.”
“I trust my companions and my instincts, and my instincts say not to trust this skeleton.”
“Well, I am not leaving.”
“What about your quest?”
“What about it, the silly knight should be able to take care of himself!”
With that I stormed off. I sat in the woods to cool off. I wandered away from the camp until I could no longer hear the music. I sat and thought, and it occurred to me that I really should be looking for the Knight, that I shouldn’t be hanging out with some backwoods skeletons. Determined to get back on track I headed back to camp to apologize to Jason and set off. As I wandered back into camp I ran into Kurt.

“Kellie, how nice to see you.” He cooed in rhythm to the music.
“I was looking for Jason and Mat.” I said.
“Oh, they left.”
“When?”
“A little while ago.”
“Oh.”
“It really isn’t important they left is it?”
“No, I just wanted to…wanted to….hmmm.”
“Wanted to wish them good luck on their travels?”
“That must be it.”
“That is a good girl, wouldn’t you like to stay with us?”
“Stay?”
“Yes stay with us.”
The music flared up. My will was being taken from me. I closed my eyes just trying to clear my head. I started to think of the noble Knight. His blonde highlighted hair, his large frame, and those eyes…..
“I will not stay, you can’t keep me from him.”
“How did you break my spell?”
I grabbed a squeegee and swung it at his head knocking it clean off his shoulders. His skeletal body started to run to get his head, the rest of the skeletons started to advance upon me.
“Mat, Jason where are you?” I screamed.
“Kellie we are trapped behind the Laundromat.”
I ran behind the Laundromat and untied them both.
“Mat how are you?”
“Woof.”
“You are not a dog, you are a stampeding elephant. You are enraged by skeletons and will trample and scatter all you can find.”

Mat took off; he started bowling into the skeletons, knocking them to and fro. He wasn’t content just knocking them down, he would trample them under foot as well. Jason grabbed a baseball bat and started to wreak some havoc as well. Kurt See tried to stop Mat, but was trampled for his troubles; Mat trampled him so much that he knocked a big chip out of his tooth leaving quite a gap. We made quick work of the skeletons. I went over to Kurt See’s head.
“Why did you do this?”
“Ellen and Suella paid me to do it.”
“Who is Suella?”
“The true ruler of the land, a witch so foul that evil itself fears her.”
“Sounds lovely.”
“No, she is scary looking.”
“What do they want me for?”
“I don’t know, but I bet the Blob Andy could help.”
“Why should I trust anything you say?”
“Because, I truly liked you, and with my girlfriend away I needed a companion.”
“Where can I find the Blob?”
“Wherever you find food.”

We headed down the path and I pondered the words he had said. You find food everywhere. But the blob can’t be everywhere. As I was pondering an ugly green tire with bumps all over it knocked me over, as it fell on its side.
“Little help here.” It cried out.
“Are you the tire?”
“I am NOT a tire, I am a wheel, and not just any wheel, I am a witch’s wheel. I need help, if you could just put me upright I will be on my way.”

I helped the wheel upright and it wheeled off muttering “Tire indeed.” We continued down the path as walls started to rise on both sides of the trail. Soon the walls towered over us, and we started to hear the sound of thunder. As we looked up in the sky we noticed no storm clouds yet the thunder continued to loom. The sun was brightly overhead and yet the thunder got even louder, we moved closer to the edge of the canyon, and Mat brushed against the wall. When he touched the wall a great gush of water drenched us to the bone. We continued to the end of thunder canyon, never touching the walls again, but the thunder didn’t stop until we got to the end of the canyon.

We started to hear a heavy breathing sound. As we continued along the path the noise got louder and louder. As we turned a corner we saw a giantess. She stood at least ten feet tall, and was at least five feet around. A little red head doll sat beside her.
“YESH.” The giantess boomed.
“Beware, here comes some travelers.” The doll said.
“WHY ARE YOU HERE, YOU TRAVELERS? HUH.” The giantess boomed again, this time a spray of spittle came out.
“We are trying to find the Blob.”
“Why?” Asked the doll.
“I don’t know that it is any of your business, we don’t even know who you are.” I replied.
“I am Becky and the giantess is Heaver.” Said the red headed doll.
“I am Kellie, and this is Jason and Mat.” I said.
“HIM IS CUTE. “ Heaver said looking at Jason.
“Oh no.” Jason said.
“I LIKE HIM. I WANT HIM TO PLAY WITH.” Heaver boomed.
“Well, you can’t have him.” I said.
“WHY NOT?”
“Because he is not a piece of meat or a toy to play with.”
“All men are toys.” Becky said.
“We sit here on the trail and bring men to ruin. We tempt them, and then we play with them until we get bored, and then we feed them to the Aim.” Becky said.
“What is an Aim?” I asked.
Becky pointed to a thin machine.
“It looks a lot like a wood chipper.” I said.
“It is.” Becky replied.
“That is horrible.” I said.
“MAYBE, BUT IT IS A LOT OF FUN.” Heaver boomed.
“Well, we just want to pass, and find the blob.”
“No. We want your men.” Becky said.
“No! They are my companions, and I will not let you put them in a wood chipper.”
“PLEASE.”
“No.” I said.
“Then we will take them from you.” Becky said.
“The hell you will.” Jason said.

Then Jason started to flip out. His arms grew to twice their normal size, and his legs ripped out of his pants. In no time at all he was as tall as Heaver, but was full of muscle. He then walked over to Heaver and grabbed a hold of her. Jason and her grappled while Becky approached Mat.
“Mat you are Lion.” I said.
“Roar.” Mat replied.
“I am allergic to cats.” Becky stated and started to sneeze.
As Mat approached her sneezing got more intense. She continued to sneeze and sneeze. Her sneezing cause her to crash into to Heaver and they both tumbled in the Aim.
“That was gruesome.” I said.
“Too bad, I was starting to like her.” Jason said.

With the two girls gone we searched their campsite but didn’t find any clues. We did find a little cart that you could sit in. On the side of it was written the word Mine. We left it where it was though because it looked kind of lame.

“I am famished. I am going to go out and find us some food.” Jason said.

Jason was gone for about an hour, but when he returned his arms were loaded with food.

“I found a bush that had all kinds of food on it. I found this fried chicken. I found these cakes that shaped like an inverted cone; I found these hunks of cheese stuck on a stick.” Jason said, showing off all of what he had found.

“It looks good, but do you think it is safe?” I asked.
“It’s safe.” A voice croaked.

I looked where the voice had been, and sitting there was a green blob.
“My name is Andy, and I am famished.” The blob said. He then pulled a bucket out of somewhere and sat down on it, or in it, depending on how you looked at what he did.

“Where did you come from?” I asked.
“I protect the food bushes your friend found.”
“Protect them how?”
“I quality test them to make sure they produce tasty food.”
“How is that protecting them?”
“I do not let anything get picked before it’s time. Your friend has a very good eye, and harvested all ripe food. He did really well with the fried chicken; I am here to collect for the food.”
“We don’t have any money.”
“You don’t need any, this food is free for travelers, they just have to share with me.”
“We can do that.”
“Great let’s eat.”

We all sat down by Andy and shared the food. We ate and ate until we couldn’t eat another bite. Only Andy continued to eat, he ate until all of the food was gone. Then he let out a loud belch and continued to look around.
“Are you looking for something Andy?” I asked.
“Yes, I am looking for more food, you see I am always hungry, and no matter what I can’t seem to get enough food.” He replied.
“Jason could go to the bushes and collect more food.”
“That would be wonderful.”

I sent Jason off and after a little while he returned with even more food. This time he had chicken, pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs, and even ice scream. Andy started to eat, with each bite he grew in size, the green blob getting bigger and bigger. He ate until the food was gone, and had almost doubled in size.

“More, more, more.” He pleaded.
“We can get you more, but aren’t you full?”
“I have never been full in my entire life. I will make you a deal; if you continue to feed me I will tell you where to find the Noble Knight.”
“How did you know I was looking for the Noble Knight?”
“Girl, I get around these parts, I know all of what is going on. There isn’t a bigger gossip than me.”
“Okay, we will continue to feed you.”

Jason and Mat went out this time and foraged for food. When they returned they had filled a blanket full of food and carried it between them. They spread it out before Andy like a picnic. Andy dove into the food, between bites he started to tell us where to find the Noble Knight.

“He has been trapped by the Suella. She has him trapped at her castle. She is searching for the Pretty Princess so she can stop them from freeing the land.”
“The Pretty Princess, who is she.”
“She is the one whom the Noble Knight will marry. You really don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?”
“Are you that naïve? You are the Pretty Princess.”
“Me, I am not anybody special; I just want to help the Noble Knight.”
“Look, you ARE the Pretty Princess.”
“If you say so.”
“Together you have the power to defeat Suella. The battle won’t be easy; Snaggletooth defends the castle with the help of her evil minions. But it is written that your true love can conquer anything.”
“I don’t think you are right about me, I am just Kellie.”
“You aren’t just anything; you are the Pretty Princess, that is why people follow you. That is why you have made it this far. You have beauty, strength, intelligence, and love. All of these are the qualities of the Pretty Princess.”
“But Brian is the Noble Knight, and I just want to save him.”
“Did you say Brian?” Jason asked.
“Yes, his name is Brian. He is the bravest man I have ever met.”
“Our companions name was Brian; he was searching for the Pretty Princess.” Jason said.
“Well, maybe I am maybe I am not, but I must save him.”
“You guys need to head down that trail and follow it West for two days, on the third day, Duck, and you will find Suella’s castle.” Andy said.

With a final bite of food Andy burst into jets of green goo, and covered everything in the clearing. We heard a faint laugh and then he was gone completely. No goo was left anywhere.

“That was weird and disgusting.” I said.
“Let’s rest here for the night and head out with the first light of the morning.” Jason said.
“Moo.” Mat agreed.

We set out the next day heading west. That entire first day was uneventful. We simply walked and walked, and walked some more. We rested for the night, and the next day headed out again. About mid-morning we came upon a ravine, there used to be a bridge across it, but it hung down the side of the cliff. Next to where the bridge was anchored was a group of short red creatures. They all just sat there staring off into space.
“Hello.” I said.

None of the little creatures said a word. I noticed a sign by the creatures. The sign read “Drop on, to get by.”

“What do you suppose this means?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Said Jason.
“Brock?” Mat added.
“I don’t like standing around though, it makes me nervous.” Jason said. Then he picked one of the red creatures and threw it over the cliff. “At least we will know how deep the chasm is.”

“Whee.” Said the red creature.

When it hit the bottom of the ravine the bridge moved a little. It had started to raise up to where it belonged.
“That is interesting. Let’s throw a few more.” I said.

As we tossed each one over the bridge raised even higher. Before we knew it all of the red creatures were gone, and the bridge was where it should be.

“Who would have thought that dropping demons would be a good way to cross the ravine?” Jason stated.

We continued walking for the rest of the day, and came to a clearing. We decided to camp in the clearing for the night.

“What do you suppose Andy meant when he said on the third day Duck?” I asked.
“I really don’t know.” Jason replied.
“Quack!” Mat added.
“I don’t think we need to be ducks Mat.” I replied.
“Maybe it will be obvious to us tomorrow.” Jason offered.
“I don’t know, he didn’t say where or anything, he simply said on the third day Duck.” I said.

We all drifted off to sleep thinking about the meaning of what Andy had said. We set out early the next day continuing west. The path seemed to stretch on forever.
“I don’t see any castle; I think we would be able to see it by now.” I said
“I agree, if it was only supposed to take three days to get there, we should see it by now.” Jason said.
“Maybe we missed something.”
“There hasn’t been anything on this path all day.”
“You are right, we haven’t seen anything, and the scenery seems to just repeat itself.”
“We must have missed something.”

At that moment I pulled out a rag and started to mop sweat off my brow, and then I dropped the rag. As I bent over to pick up the rag I saw an entire little kingdom off to the side of the path. When I stood up I couldn’t see it.
“Jason, Mat bend down and tell me what you see.”
“I see a little kingdom.” Jason said
“Neigh.” Mat added.
“Now stand up, and tell me what you see.”
“Nothing.” Jason said.
“Winnie.” Mat added.

So we all crouched down on our hands and knees, crawling toward the kingdom. As we got close to the side of the road all three of us slipped and tumbled into the kingdom. As we lay there a group of people approached us.

“Where are we?” I asked.
And then the whole world went black.

When I came to several small woman were standing around me. As the fog cleared from my head I realized that all of the woman were dressed like cats, and I was tied to the ground.

“She is coming around.” One of the women said.
“Stand back, she looks like she could hurt us.” Said another.
“Who are you?” I asked.
A woman dressed like a calico cat stepped towards me.
“I am Amy, I am the leader of the kitties, and this is our kingdom. Why have you come here? We keep our kingdom hidden from dangerous travelers.”
“I am looking for the Noble Knight, and my name is Kellie.”
All of the woman hissed in unison.
“Why would you look for a man?” Amy asked.
“Because I love him.”
“Ha! Our kingdom was ruled by a man, but we overthrew him, and now we all are much happier. Let me introduce you to my sisters.”
Amy pointed to a rather portly tabby, which was no taller than herself and said, “This is Aimee.”
Then she pointed to a tiger striped woman, “This is Mary-Ellen.”
Then she pointed to an all black woman, “This is Tracy.”
Then she pointed to a portly hunched over alley cat, “This is Tanya.”
And lastly she pointed to a woman dressed like a wild cougar complete with a mouth full of sharp teeth, “That is Heather, be careful she bites.” Amy hissed.
“Why am I tied to the ground?”
“We wanted to restrain you until we could find out whether or not you are a threat to us.” Amy replied.
“Where are my friends?”
“They are locked up, with the former king and his magician.”
“Why do you all look like cats?”
“That is the reason we overthrew the king. It is a long story, and I am going to tell it to you.”
“Of course you are, the plot wouldn’t advance any other way.”
“Once the Kitty Kingdom was ruled by a nice young man named Deej. Deej was fair, and ruled with justice, but then he made friends with an evil wizard by the name of Bobcat. At first Bobcat did some good, he introduced public transit called the wild cat, it took you in circles around the kingdom. He built the catacombs, and the catapult to protect the kingdom. I don’t know if you see a pattern here, but the man was obsessed with cats. That is when he got a hold of Heather. Heather was just a poor little peasant girl, rather simple but pretty. Bobcat tricked Deej into letting him have Heather, and that is when he started his experiments. He tried to use his magic to turn her into a human, feline crossbreed. She took on aspects of a cat, including a very wild attitude. She bit Bobcat and ran off scratching up his lab on the way out the door. He hid his failure from Deej, but then he got a hold of Tonya. He had more luck with Tanya early on, she was very domestic, but the physical aspects of the cat never quite held. Then he got a hold of Tracy, she turned out more troll like than cat, although she definitely is playful like a cat. He took Aimee into his lair and turned her, she was almost right, but she was very skittish, and would never come to him. Mary – Ellen is when he almost got it right, but her eyes were wrong, she is cat with wolf looking eyes. I was his last experiment. He made me perfect. I am the right combination of feline and human. What he didn’t know is that he also gave me some of his magic as well.”
“You are a little pretentious aren’t you?” I interrupted
“No, I am purrtentious. As I was saying he didn’t know I had also received some of his magic as well. He forced the king to marry us to each other; I went along with it so I could learn his secrets. I learned all of his magic, and then I found all of the girls. I banded us together, and we made a plan to overthrow the kingdom. First we captured the king, and then we laid our trap for Bobcat. He walked into the room and I cast an infinium spell, an infinium spell locks the victim in their own mind. They can be locked in a friendly environment or an unfriendly one. You can guess which one Bobcat is locked in. Once we had both Deej and Bobcat locked up we started to take over the kingdom. Everyone fled and now we have our own utopia.”

“Aren’t you lonely?” I asked
“We have each other.” Amy replied.
“But you don’t have anyone to share your lives with.”
The other women let out a murmur.
“WE DON’T NEED ANYONE BUT OURSELVES.” She shouted, silencing all of the other women.
“That is sad.” I said.
“What is sad is your belief that you need some silly knight in your life. I can prove to you that he would just hurt you.”
“He would never hurt me, he loves me.”
“I will make a deal with you, if this knight chooses you I will let you and your friends go. But if he doesn’t you will stay here with us, grooming us and other things we demand.”
“I accept your bet, but if I win you will set the king Deej free, and let him rule his kingdom.”
“I know that your knight will fail so I accept.”
“How will you test him?”

“This pool will allow you to see what he sees in his mind. I will cast an infinium spell on him and project myself into his thoughts, and then I will try to lead him astray. When I get him to forsake or rebuke you I win.”
“Okay, but he is trapped at Suellas castle.”
“I know, now watch the pool.”

She started to chant and the pool of water turned from light blue to green and then became crystal clear. I then saw that the knight was being tortured in his dreams, demons surrounded him and poked him with sticks and pitchforks. Then the demons faded away and Amy appeared. She had taken away her cat appearance and looked like a normal woman. She was small, yet proportioned. She was wearing a satin dress that hung just past her knees, her hair was up in a ponytail and she swayed seductively. Brian fell to the ground panting from all of the torture. Amy approached him and pulled a sponge out of the air. She started to swab his brow, I could see him wince in pain my heart leaping out to him.

“I am here to rescue you.” She said.
“Who are you?” He asked.
“I am the Pretty Princess.”
“No you are not.”
“It doesn’t matter, I am here to heal you, and get you away from the demons.”
“Do you know where the Pretty Princess is? I must rescue her.”
“You need to save yourself first.”
“I must….”
“Shhh.” Amy said as she placed a finger on his mouth. “You need to rest. I will help nurse you back to health, then you can search if you want to.”

She sat down on the ground and laid his head in her lap. Then she began to stroke his forehead. She continued to caress him gently, and soon he fell asleep. She talked to him while he slept. Telling him how much she cared for him, and how he should stay with her. She told him how she needed protection and that only he could keep her safe. She told him how bad off she would be without him. Then she told him how the smell of vanilla is the same as purity and innocence, and that he should be very aware of that scent. After saying that about vanilla the room was filled with the scent of vanilla, it oozed from every inch of the glassy pool. Then she bent down and kissed him on the forehead waking him with a smile.
“You look better.” She cooed.
“I feel a lot better, I feel like most of my energy has returned.”
“I was so worried for you.” She said as she let out a tremble.
“Don’t be worried, I am fine, and I will keep you safe.” He said as he hugged her.
“Ooh. That is so nice.” She said.
“I feel so strong with you in my arms.”
”Do you like my perfume?” She asked.
“It smells like innocence.”
“No silly, it is just vanilla.”
“Well, it smells very nice, it seems fitting for you.”
“My last relationship was so terrible he hit me and kept me in fear.”
“That is horrible, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

She looked up at him directly in the eye, while placing her hand behind his head. She pulled him closer and started to kiss him. They started to kiss, and then hands started to roam. In the middle of making out with him she looked up at the pool as if staring at me and smiled. I wanted to cry, she was winning, my heart was breaking.
“Wait. This doesn’t feel right.” He said.
“Yes it does, we can stay together forever isn’t that what you want?” She asked.
“I….I…I am not sure.”
“You know what you want, I am right here, you can have me forever.”

The smell of vanilla flared up.
“I….I….I…”
“Stay, tell me you want me.”
“NO! I want the Pretty Princess, she is the one I love.”
“Fool!” She hissed

The demons appeared and started torturing him as the picture in the pool faded away. Amy re-appeared in the room.

“That man is stupid.” She howled.
“No, he loves me.” I said.
“Well, you can’t have him.”
‘We had a deal.”
“What are you going to do about it?”

Out of nowhere a word popped into my head.
“Truthtarium honestatia.” I blurted.

A green cloud coalesced around Amy and then struck her.

“How could you know such a powerful spell?” She asked.
“I have no idea.” I replied
“This spell holds me to my promise, and if I break my promise I will be physically tormented until I comply, and if I don’t eventually comply it will kill me. Only a powerful wizard would know such a spell. I give in, I will comply with our bargain. Girls let Deej and her companions out of the dungeon.”

The women shuffled off and returned a little while later.
“Jason are you okay?” I asked
“I am fine, but Mat thinks he is a cat, and he and heather have really hit it off. They ran off into the woods together.” He replied.
“As long as they are happy. Sire are you okay?”
“I am okay, but I don’t understand what is going on.”
“I think Amy here can explain it.” I replied.

Amy told the king the whole story about Bobcat. He looked ill by the time she got to the end of the story.
“I had no idea, I am truly sorry. I will make sure that he is properly punished.”
“I think the spell he is trapped in is proper enough.” Amy said.
“But I do not think that is justice. I want you to wake him so I can hold him accountable, but I will need your help in case he tries to use magic. Will you please help me?” Deej asked.
“I was wrong about you, I let him jade me, I would love to help you. By the way do you like my perfume?” She purred.
“Magicus protecto ultarium.” I bellowed.
Amy stared at me in shocked disbelief.
“You definitely should not know that spell, let alone be able to cast it, do you know what you have done?”
“I have restricted your magic, you will only be able to do the magic that Deej commands of you.” I replied.
“I am powerless.” She cried.
I walked up to her and slapped her across the face. “No, you are tamed.” I replied.
“Sire, she has become evil, but now you can control her, keep her on a short leash and you should be fine.”

“Thank you so much for freeing me and helping restore my kingdom. I understand that you are looking for Suella’s castle. All you have to do is head down that road, her castle is the large black building at the end of it.”

Deej had pointed at a wide black brick path that lead into a gloomy forest and beyond the forest you could see the castle.

“When you get there you will find a hidden door on the east side of the moat. It is well hidden but look for the brown frog. Thanks again, and good luck.” Deej said.

Jason and I rested in the kingdom for the night. They held a big feast in our honor, and all through the night we could hear how well Mat and Heather were getting along. Early in the morning we had breakfast and then set off down the path.

As we traveled the path the forest started to loom over us. The dark trees lined the side of the path. We heard a loud crashing noise as the ground shook. The shaking got more intense, and we saw two trees running straight at us. Before they reached us they ran off the side of the path and we heard a buzzing noise. We cautiously walked down the path to where the noise came from and we saw a mill.
“Imagine trees racing to a mill.” I said

We continued down the path a small pixie came running by pulling a wagon full of dynamite.
“Looks like that guy is transporting a disaster.” Jason said.

The trail opened up unto a clearing where an ominous black building sat in the middle of it. The castle was huge, a wide moat circled the entire castle. The drawbridge stood closed.
“Deej said to go to the east side of the castle and find the brown frog.” I said.
“Over here would be the east side, let’s see if we can find that frog.” Jason said.

We searched all over and couldn’t find the frog anywhere.
“I don’t know, I can’t find it anywhere.” I said.
“I know but it has to be here somewhere.” Jason replied.

As we sat there looking and wondering an ugly looking hobbit came up. He was short, and had a hunched back. His feet stuck out of his shoes, and had a huge odor. His whole body was covered in hair, and all of his clothes were covered in stains.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“HUH” He replied.
“Your name what is your name?”
“Name. I am you.”
“You who?”
“No need to whistle. I am just you. People always say you go clean this, you go get that.”
“Oh, we are trying to get into the castle do you know how to get in there?”
“I only know the way to the Commiscary. You push the frog on this tree, and it leads into the bowels of the commiscary.”
“What is the commiscary.”
“It is where you put all the misfits and make them work really hard.”
“That is awful.”
“No, it is a job, I ain’t complaining, they feed me and I have a roof over my head, plus it beats potty patrol. Have you ever met any of them?”

The hobbit walked over to the tree and lifted a knot up, under the knot was a carved brown frog. He pushed it, and a doorway slid open in the tree. A dark stairwell led downward. We followed You down the stairs. We walked downward for what seemed an eternity, and then the stairs came to an end. Before us was a path that led into a hot, loud, commotion filled place.
“Here it is, the Commiscary.” You said.

The path opened to a vast kitchen area. Many Hobbits and trolls strolled around the kitchen each one doing their own job. Some were stirring pots others were stacking boxes, but all of them stayed busy.

“I have work to do.” You said as he slipped off into the commiscary.
“Thank you.” I said.
“This is the scariest thing I have ever seen.” Jason said.
“Well, now what do we do?” I asked.
“Get through here and head into the castle.” Jason replied.
“I see a staircase over there.” I said.
“Let’s get out of here.”

Jason and I made it through the commiscary without getting swept up in it’s frantic pace. We made it to the stairs and headed up one flight. It felt like a whole different world, the noise stopped, and the castle was brightly lit. Tapestries hung all over, each one depicting a person being humiliated or subjugated. One showed a witch stepping on the backs of prisoners like a bridge as she crossed a stream.

“That is horrible.” I said.
“I think that is Suella in the picture.” Jason said.
“Well, she is horrible.” I said
“Yes I am. I am the most horrible in all the land.” Suella said.
“Where did you come from?” I asked
“It is my castle. Do you not think I know what is going on in my own castle?”
“I thought there might be a chance.”
“Well, I know, besides my insipid nephew Deej warned me you were coming.”
“Why would he betray me?”
“A little persuasion goes a long way.”
She then started to cackle and cast a spell. The air around Jason and I started to shimmer and coalesce, suddenly we were frozen in place.
“That will hold you. With both of you trapped in an Infinium spell I have nothing to worry about. You fools thought you could defeat me. I am the Suella!”

The Pretty Princess, chapter 3 (the union)

“For the sake of the story I will take over the narrative. I am Brian, I have been trapped in this spell for who knows how long. I had a brief respite when that foul temptress tried to lead me astray. I thought the torture would never end when she appeared like an Angel in front of me.”
“Banishido.’ She yelled, pointing at the demons that were torturing me. Instantly the demons disappeared. I collapsed on the ground. She ran up to me trying to help.
“I have failed you Princess.”
“No you haven’t.”
“Yes, I have. I set out to free you and now you are trapped here with me.”
“I only wanted to rescue you brave knight, but I was tricked by Suella.”
“You must be a powerful sorceress if you can banish the demons.”
“I am not sure where I learned magic, but recently the right words have popped into my head. I think it has to do with need. I think we need a miracle now though.”
“We have a miracle, you are here with me.” I said.
“You are too sweet.”

She gazed into my eyes, and I gazed into hers. I could feel a tension building between us. Her head lowered closer to mine, my head raised closer to hers. Our mouths were inches apart. She started to say something, but I pressed my lips to hers. We kissed deeply and passionately, it seemed like we kissed forever. Rockets flared in my mind, every hair on my body stood up.

“Wow!” She said.

Words wouldn’t come out of mouth, it was so intense. She got a little insecure as I retreated. I couldn’t believe that the Pretty Princess just kissed me. I saw a lifetime with her during that kiss. My knees buckled a little, but she thought it was from the torture.

“That was incredible.” I finally managed.
“I thought you didn’t like it.”
“I saw our future together.”
“I know, wasn’t it intense?”
“You are not afraid?”
“No, I think we were always meant to be.”
“But only the noble knight can marry the pretty princess.”
‘Only the pretty princess can marry the noble knight.”
“I am not a knight, and I am definitely not noble.”
“Yes you are. You have dedicated your life to finding and protecting me.”
“But I was captured.’
“I freed you, and together we can accomplish anything.”
“I….” She grabbed my head a crushed her lips to mine. Our mouths parted and we had an intense, passionate kiss.

“Ok, now that is out of the way, how do we break this spell?” She asked.
“I assume we have to defeat something, we always have to defeat something, or find something.” I replied.
“Maybe we have to sleep with something?” Rimmie offered.
“Or maybe we have to break something.” Jason added.
“Kellie this is Rimmie, he was trapped here with me as we looked for you. Jason, I am glad you escaped the Raptor. Where is Mat?”
“He, well, he, it is a long story, but he seemed pretty happy the last time I saw him.”
“I am glad he is still alive.”
“Alive and multiplying.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“Anybody got a good suggestion?” I asked.
“You could try looking behind you.” A voice screeched.

As we turned around we saw Ellen and her bird Marcia standing there.

“The only way you get out of here is through us. But that is not going to happen.” She cackled.

Then she disappeared.

“You have to find us first.”

“Well, how do we find them, and who should we find first?” I asked.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about this spell.” Kellie said.
“Okay, what about it?”
“Well according to Amy the spell locks the person in their own mind.”
“Are each of us in our own minds or are we all in my mind?”
“That should be pretty easy to determine. Rimmie while you were being tortured what did the demons wear?”
“Nothing, they beat me in the nude.”
“Brian what did they wear?” Kellie asked.
“Loincloths.” I replied.
“I think each of us trapped in our own minds, but my spell allows us to share a common area.”
“I get it, as long as we stay together we are in the same area, but if one of us thinks of something else we will no longer be with the rest.”
“Something like that.”
“Well, we should all focus on finding Marcia Everycolor the raptor. Everybody think about it, really concentrate.”

The world around us started to get fuzzy and blur. In a short time the world snapped back into focus, we were all together, but Rimmie was in some kind of strange slingshot underwear costume.

“Rimmie what happened?” I asked.
“Well, I figured if I was in my mind I could try some different outfits.”
“Please put on some more clothes, it is very….disturbing.”
“No stay like that, I like it.” Marcia said. “I don’t know how you found me, but I will destroy most of you. Him, I like, he has great taste in outfits.”

Kellie stood still concentrating on a spell that could help us. Jason ran at Marcia and was knocked away. He ran again, and she knocked him again, this time knocking him unconscious. Rimmie started to run at the bird. The raptor watched him intently, her head bouncing up and down. I started to search my pockets looking for anything that could help.

“I thought you forgot about me.” The iron dragon said.
“No, just stymied for a while. Do you think you could help if I let you go.”
“Let me go and we will find out.”

With reservation I loosened the lid. The little dragon flew out like a shot. He circled up and away, I thought he was going to fly away, but he then tucked his wings back and dropped like a rock at Marcia. As he dropped closer he got smaller and smaller. He eventually became so small I couldn’t even see him. Time passed slowly, but he should have reached her by now. Suddenly a loud popping noise was heard, and where the raptor stood was a large Iron Dragon.

“Is she dead?” I asked.
“Definitely.” The dragon replied.
“I thought you were going to leave us here.”
“I thought about it, but I figured if all of your minds are trapped then so is mine. Then I thought if Rimmie can control reality so can I. I made myself small enough to fly into her head, and then big enough to fill it.”
“You did an awesome job.” I said.
“I have bad news though.” Kellie said as tears filled her eyes.
“What is the matter?”
“Jason wasn’t knocked out, she killed him with that last blow.”

We all lowered our heads in silence. Jason was a great friend, and an even greater hero. He had done so much for Kellie and I, he would be missed dearly. We all focused our minds on creating a great tomb for him. Once it had appeared the Iron Dragon flew up to the top of it. He bent his head down and began to speak to us.
“I will stay here and protect him from all intruders.”
“But don’t you want to get out of here?” I asked.
“What good is a five inch tall dragon in the real world. Here I can make myself any size I want, and I can have an honorable life.”
“You are a hero Dragon.”
“No kid, but I am trying. Remember as you face Ellen she can mold reality here too.”
“Thank you, for everything.” Kellie said as she kissed the dragon on his cheek.

“Okay, we need to focus on finding Ellen.” I said.
“No we need a plan first.” Kellie said.
“No, we need action.” I said.
“No we need a plan first.”
“You both are right, and I think I know what to do.” Rimmie said.

Rimmie proceeded to tell us his idea. He gave us every detail, and we added our ideas as well.

“Time for action.” Rimmie said.
“We can do this.” I added.
“For freedom.” Kellie said.

We all focused our thoughts on Ellen. The world around us started to blur. After several moments reality snapped back. Ellen stood before us. Rimmie could be seen, while Kellie and I formed behind some obstacles that blocked Ellen’s sight. Rimmie stood before Ellen in an even skimpier version of the slingshot underwear. It barely contained him, and she became very distracted by him.

“I knew I could find you.” Rimmie said.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I figured out we could control things, so I snuck off. I have never been a fighter, now a lover….”
“I will destroy you.”
“Hopefully not before we can have some fun.”
“What do you mean?”

Rimmie jumped up and down a couple of times, as Ellen’s eyes almost bounced out of her head.

“I think you know what I mean.”
“But I never have, I mean no one has ever…”
“You mean you never have?” He asked.
“No.” She replied.
“Well, I can definitely fix that.”

Rimmie poured the charm on, and Ellen’s close fell off. They spent a long time together. And again, and again. A couple hours later.
“I need to rest.” Rimmie said.
“Just one more time.” Ellen pleaded.
“I am only human, and I think we have plenty of time.”
“Until your friends show up, and I have to destroy you and them.”
“Why do you have to destroy anybody?”
“Because Suella commands me to.”
“Do you have to follow her?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because…..”
“Why don’t you just set my friends free, and then we can spend a lot of time here together, I have this little book of pictures we could try.”
“What book?”
“It is called the Kama Rimmie, it shows positions I have tried, and also created. In this world we could make any position work. Until my friends show up.”
“What friends?”

The air around Kellie and me started to shimmer. The world was very disorientating, the ground became squishy and unstable. I reached out and took Kellie into my arms. The world then snapped back with a loud boom. We were standing on the rampart of Suella’s castle where she had captured me.

“We need to go, I am sure that Boom will bring attention.” I said.
“Teleportia saficius.” Kellie uttered.

We blinked out from the rampart into a large room full of noise and trolls.

“We are in the commiscary!” Kellie said.
“Did you teleport us?” I asked.
“I must have.”
“You said some strange words, and we appeared here, not that I know where here is.”
“We are in the commiscary, the basement of Suella’s castle.”
“What do we do now?”
“We have to come up with a plan.”

At that moment a glass ball came bouncing toward us. The clink of glass drawing us in as we waited for it to burst. With a final thump just a foot away the ball exploded into millions of pieces, and a cloud of smoke rose from it. Standing in the middle of the cloud was a tall man in robes.

“I am the all powerful Randy Warlock.” He said.
“What?” We both asked at the same time.
“I am the great Randy Warlock. I am a very powerful wizard, and I have been chasing you both for awhile now. There are some things you just don’t understand.”
“Like the whole Rimmie and Ellen thing?” I asked.
“No, that was just bad judgement.” He replied.
“Never mind, I am trying to forget that whole scene.” Kellie said.
“I am here to help you guys with your confrontation with Suella. But you need to know the significance of it all.”
“Of course we do, and I am sure we need a side story to explain it.” I said.
“A side story will do nicely.” He replied.
“But first I will get us to safety, teleportia saficius.” He bellowed.

We blinked out of the commiscary into a large den full of books.

“Excuse the dust, my maid is on strike.” He said.
“I didn’t notice.” I lied.
“Well now the story…You see time is cyclical.”
“Like a wheel?” I asked.
“No, that is another story. “
“Like a clock pendulum?” Kellie asked.
“NO! That is another story as well.”
“Like a splash of water in the middle of a lake whose ripples cause”
“NO, NO, NO. It is cyclical. Things tend to repeat themselves. That is why once a generation a Princess and a Knight are born. These two are fated to join together, to become one. Together they will conquer the worst evil facing the land. Sometimes they manage to pull it off sometimes not so much. In the last generation Suella was able to recruit Ellen to help her destroy the Princess, and the knight just wasn’t strong enough to defeat her by himself. Suella has grown in power since then. She has become stronger and more diabolical. Only the two of you joined together can defeat her.”
“How?” I asked.
“I have no idea, I thought you guys would know.”
“You used the term join together a couple of itmes, maybe we have to join together like Ellen and Rimmie did.” I offered.
“That was disgusting.” Kellie said.
“But it looked like fun.” I offered.
“I could never do that…” Kellie started
“Without being married.” I finished.
“So why don’t we get married?” I asked.
“But it is too soon.”
“I love you Kellie, I have always loved you.”
“I love you too, but is that enough.”
“It is for me. I don’t know if I can live up to everything you want, or if I can be in your life without ever hurting you, but I know I can love you forever. Will you be my queen?”
“I don’t know.”
“This is awkward.” Randy added.
“I know we are meant to be together.” I added.
“Yes. I will marry you.”
“Now what do we do?” I asked.
“Good news, I happen to be a priest as well as a wizard.”
“Okay.” We both said.
“Okay, dearly so and so, we are whatever do you?” Randy looked at me.
“Yes! Most definitely I do.” I said.
“And do you?” Randy asked looking at Kellie.
“Yes! Most definitely I do.” Kellie said.
“Then you are. You may kiss now.”

I kissed Kellie very tenderly at first. Tears welled up in both of our eyes. The kiss got more passionate. A burning and yearning welling up….
“Excuse me.” Randy interrupted.
“Excuse Me.” Randy clarified.
“EXCUSE ME!” Randy Shouted.
The kiss was broken the passion burned but was quenched for now.
“I forgot one thing.” He said.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Well for one of MY ceremonies to be complete you two must exchange rings. Do you have the rings?” Randy asked.
“We don’t have any rings.” I replied.
“Well, I can help.” He said.
“How much?” I asked.
“You hurt me. I am not looking to sell you anything, I am here to help. I have information that can help you. In the past the Princess and the Knight had a complimentary pair of rings. His was an emerald set in yellow gold, hers was an alexandrite set in white gold. It was said that these rings had very special magic. They have been hidden from Suella, but can only be found by the chosen couple.”
“What hideous monster protects it?”
“No monster protects it.”
“How powerful is the wizard?”
“No wizard.”
“C’mon level with me, what is the catch?”
“The portal to the rings is through this closet. There is a small challenge each of you has to face but only if you are the chosen ones.”
“But I thought we are the pretty princess and the noble knight.” Kellie said.
“You are, but you may not be the chosen generation.” He replied.
“If we are not the chosen generation what will happen.”
“Well…”
“Well what.”
“You will be trapped in the void forever, wandering around aimlessly, forever apart.”
“Oh.” We both replied.
“Can’t we just pick up a couple of rings somewhere else?” I asked.
“No you must get these rings, they are your only hope in defeating Suella.” Randy said.
Kellie looked at me with a very hurt expression.
“Don’t you think I am worth possible death?” She said with a pout.
“Yes, but I just found you, and we were just married, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you forever.” I replied.

We started to kiss deeply again, the flames flaring up. Warmth started to fill my body.
“Excuse me.” Randy interrupted.
“Excuse Me.” Randy clarified.
“EXCUSE ME!” Randy Shouted.
The kiss was broken the passion burned but was quenched for now.
“So are you guys going to look for them or not?”
“We will.” We both answered.

As we approached the door Randy opened it and a lot of junk fell out.
“Oops wrong direction.” He said.
He closed the door and opened it in the other direction. Before us was a great purple grey swirling cloud.
“Just step inside.”
“Hold my hand tightly Kellie.” I said.
We held hands tightly, and closed our eyes as we stepped forward. The world seemed to shake up and down, and then abruptly it stopped. We opened our eyes to see a majestic Griffin standing in front of us.
“I though he said no monsters.” I said.
“I am not a monster, I am the guardian.” The Griffin said.
“I am sorry, but it has been challenging lately.” I offered.
“Who are you?” Kellie asked.
“I am the mythical creature.” The griffin said.
“A griffin.” I offered.
“No, I am all of them.”
As the griffin said this it changed shape into a unicorn.
“People call me Bethany, I take on the shape of any mythical creature.”
As Bethany shifted from unicorn into a bare breasted mermaid. I turned away blushing.
“Do you not like this form?” She asked.
“No he doesn’t.” Kellie said defensively.
She shifted from a mermaid into a bare breasted centaur.
“How about this one?”
“He doesn’t like anything that shows so much.”
Bethany shifted from a centaur into a Chinese dragon.
“I don’t understand you humans and your dislike of natural forms.”
“We are looking for the rings, the wizard Randy sent us.”
“Really, how is he?”
“Nice but a little strange.”
“I know isn’t it sweet?”
“I guess.”
“About the rings, I can help you but you must answer my riddle.”
“Why?”
“Because that is how these things are done.”

She shifted into the form of a sphinx.
“Riddle number one…If a horse is not real nor is it quite wood what might be found?”
“That is a goofy question.” I said.
“Bone.” Kellie answered.
“Correct, it is said that a famous carver once did his wife in and hid her bones inside a wooden horse. Riddle number two: When does red mean go, green mean with caution, and yellow mean stop?”
“I don’t get it.” Kellie said.
“That makes it safe.” I replied.
“What?”
“The answer to your question is when looking for a date.”
“I still don’t get it.” Kellie said.
“But you will.” I replied
“Riddle number three…” Bethany started.
“The answer is 23.” I said.
“How did you know?” She asked.
“The answer is always 23, you know some conspiracy thing about numbers and such.”
“Riddle number four…”
“WHAT!!!!!!!!!?” Kellie and I blurted.
She shifted into a cat woman covered in fur.
“Just kidding, you guys need to get a sense of humor.” Bethany said.
“If you knew what we have been through.” I replied.
“If you knew what you are headed for.” She said.
“What?” I asked.
“Never mind, you guys have passed the test the rings are yours.”
She stepped forward holding a box. As she opened the box two rings sat inside. We took the box from Bethany.
“How do we get out of here?” I asked.
“You had the power to leave all of the time, just click your heels together three times while saying there is no place like home.”
“Your joking, right?”
“Of course, just turn around and open the door. Also give Randy a big kiss from me.”
“I don’t think so.”
“At least tell him I said hi.”
“Thank you Bethany.” Kellie said.

We turned around and opened the door. We stepped out into the dusty study. Randy stood there anxiously.
“Did you find them?” He asked.
“We held up the box.
“Great each of you take the others ring. Now one at a time place them on the others left hand, and repeat forever.”
I took the alexandrite and placed it on Kellie’s left hand saying “Forever.”
Kellie took the emerald and placed it on my left hand saying “Forever.”

“You guys are. But no kissing this time.”
As we stood there the sky started to go black.
“It has begun.” Randy said.
“What has begun?” We asked.
“Suella is starting to cast the spell that will lock this world under her power. Today is the last day that she can be stopped, and if she isn’t in just a few hours she will reign over us all for a thousand generations.”
“What do we do.”
“I can’t help you anymore, but you need to stop her.”
“We can help you though.” Kellie said.
“How?” Randy asked.
“Open the closet door and tell me what you see.”
“I see a swirling mess…..Ahhhhhhh.”
Kellie had pushed him into the closet. As she was shutting the door we heard two voices say “ Thank you, we could not do it ourselves.”

“Lets get to this castle and beat Suella.” Kellie said.
“Don’t you want to plan?” I asked.
“It is time for action. Teleportia Suella.” She said.

The world fuzzed out and then with a bang we appeared in the same room as Suella.

“I’ve been expecting you. Zortium.” She cackled.

A group of lightning bolts shot out from her fingers knocking us apart. She focused the lightning on me for a while, then turned to Kellie.

“I am not going to bore you two, I am going to kill you and then take those rings. They are the last component I need to complete the spell.”

Suella turned and attacked me again. This time she levitated me into the wall after a few strikes I was barely holding onto consciousness. She then turned her attention to Kellie. She levitated Kellie and crashed her into the same wall she had used on me. She crashed her again and again. Kellie crumpled to the floor next to me. I thought she might be dead but I saw her chest rise and fall as she took a labored breath.

“Now I will finish you, and I know just the right spell, I have wanted to use this one for a long time. It will turn you into two piles of ash.”
“Wait, let me kiss her first.” I pleaded.
“Make it quick.”

I crawled over to her. I took her hand into mine, it broke my heart to see her in pain. I brushed her hair back and kissed her gently on the lips. The warmth sprang into my body like water crashing through a dam. The warmth built and my emerald started to glow. Kellie’s eyes sprang open. She kissed back, her alexandrite glowing as well.

“Get a room.” Suella cackled.
Our kisses got deeper and more intense. Passion built as we both stood up. I placed my left hand out in front of me, Kellie placed her left hand on top of mine, and as our ring touched a brilliant beam shot out. It struck Suella right in the heart. The beam stayed on her for several minutes as she fell to her knees, crying.

“I am a bad person, I have caused so much misery.” She sobbed.

She stood up and tried to cast a spell to get away, but nothing happened.

“What have you done to me, I don’t have any magic and I feel bad for all of the things I have done.”
“Love has entered your body and where there is love, evil can not be.” Kellie said.
“You will get to spend the rest of your life as a normal person. I hope that people show you the mercy and pity that you never showed.” I added.

With that Suella ran away crying.

“Love can conquer all.” I said.
“Yes, it can.” Kellie added.

“What do we do now?” Kellie asked.

I whispered in her ear and she started to blush. We walked away hand in hand looking for a quiet place.

The End!